＂不用怕，有妈咪和姑姑在大厅。＂

No one will understand how much this sentence means to me...
My tears just roll automicatically when i think of this sentence...

I finally can understand the power of motherly love...
Since the day my bb girl was born, my aunt and mummy has helped me alot alot...
Without them, i'll be so helpless at home..

Things at my house had gone through major changes to prepare for our princess' arrival..
My dear really 360 degree change the layout of his room just for our Vionna.
That also goes to show how much he loves her...

My aunt and mother has helped me tide through the first few things cos i didn't know what to do when she cries...

When she cries/ hiccups, i would think of so many things...
- is she hungry?
- is she bitten by bugs?
- did she swallow sth she shouldn't?
- am i feeding her enough?
- is the room too humid for her?
- am i giving her the proper environment to grow up?
- am i shortchanging her of anything?

Thousand and one questions goes thru me....

My baby girl is now our everything...
We think of her almost every other second...
Now tat she is warded for jaundice treatment... Everytime i look at her empty... I feel so.... Inadequate for her...

My mummy ask me to move back to her house for bb well- being and health...
I think i might be suffering from post-natal depression cos i tend to cry easily... I dunno why either but i just cannot control...
I would love to move back to bukit batok but i have to consider my dear's feelings too...
He loves Vionna so much... He will not bear to be apart from her...

I know he's workin hard to earn more money so can house us in to be away from the irritating bugs... It is something he did not want either but he's unable to kill them all due to the clutter in the house... I don blame him nor can i ask more from him cos he really did alot alot already... He's also doing everything he can for Vionna and me and it is not easy for him.

I also worry for his mental health cos he is very uptight over Vionna too...
Somehow, i would love that he stop his day job so he can help out at home..
Then i look back at myself.. How am i going back work like this...
I don't feel safe leaving Vionna alone with Jiang gu...
Gugu already say she will only look after Vionna if she is at her place or my mummy's place...

Haiz.. When gugu can tell me that my hse is not in good condition for baby's well being... It really sets me thinking.., should i be selfish for Vionna and let her stay with my mummy?

When will housing property drop....

I know my dear is having a tough time too...
Who can help us kill all the bugs...

Is this really karma?
If we keep taking from society and never give back, will our children suffer the karma?
I see gifts comin in from various sources for ah ma.. But these gifts can be given to families who need them more... Even though we don't want, people send over, are we supposed to keep or reject?

If we always go for cheap gains, will it affect us too?

Easier said than done..

Well.. It's 3.56am now.. And i cannot sleep due to a few reasons..
1. The heat is irritating me, and the aircon ain't helping much..
2. My little girl is making so much movement inside that I cannot sleep..
3. My sweet hubby is practising thai boxin in his dreams..

Hence the 'stoned' me.. Unable to lie/sleep properly now.. Sitting and zoning out so i tot i do a simple post on my wee hour thoughts..

Looking ard my room.. I'm quite amazed and still wondering how so many things can be stored in 1 room.. I mean, when i used to stay with my sis, almost the same amt of things but we had more space.. Dunno is it cos my mother always emphasized only on keeping what's neccessary or is it the room layout.. Now staying with my hubby, space is so precious and limited to either this or that.. With my baby coming, space is another whole ball game.. -_-'''

then the issue of dust... Everytime i fold my hubby's blanket.. I can see a wave of dust in the air, this happens still, despite after washing and indoor airing.. Which makes me always wonder, does sun-dried clothes/items better than indoor drying or a dryer should do the trick? I have no idea at all.. all i know is.. I have to wash clothes everyday due to the limited hanging space of erm like.. 6 pieces?

Now the strain of thoughts lead to electrical appliances.. I mean.. I understand that we should only throw/change electrical appliances when they are spoilt. But things like convenience should also be factored in, isn't it?

When water is boiled in a rusty kettle, who knows what chemical reaction goes on as compared to putting hot water into a bpa-free bottle?

When a rice cooker that has the cover dropping constantly, what germs goes in when a cloth to hold it that was used to clean the dirty tables?

When a washing machine that does not have clean filters, how clean can the clothes get?

When washed clothes are hanged near the window grilles with dusty binders, won't the clothes be dirty all over again since the clothes are air-dried?

Suddenly another bubble comes to my head, what's the purpose of keeping something when no one even remember where it is? Things are being kept in the house, but bits and pieces all over, when needed, gotta search high and low... -_-''

what's the purpose of keeping something, when it cannot be recycled, cannot be used, does not serve any memories and only reminds the amount of money spent?

What's the purpose of asking people around to be careful/mindful of their health when one does not even take proper care of oneself?

What's the purpose of repeatedly asking/saying something that can be better done with immediate actions?

Shucks.. When one cannot sleep, thoughts really run wild...

Time is 4.19 already.. I better sleep.. 2 more work days.. *_*

Time + money management

Well, time really flies.. I'm due to give birth this saturday.. In 4 days time.. And i'll see my princess.. What my world will become or whether if i can cope.. I really dunno too..

I took time to reflect.. Changes that happen along the way.. That i become more sensitive to my surroundings, in a way more fussy abt what environment my child will grow up in.. Whether if i can give her what my parents give me.. This i really dunno too...

People ard me .. I really appreciate their concern whenever they are around me, makes me feel loved and treasured by them.. Every little gesture that they help me pick up stuff, every advice, little snacks that they buy, help that they rendered, like makin sure i rest and don carry heavy stuff..

Then somehow.. I realised.. The person closest to me feels much indifferent abt my pregnancy.. I do see that he helps to tidy the house in preparation.. But it still depends very much on his mood and energy level.. Not that he's not contributing but in a different manner.. Maybe at this stage, i need more affection than usual.. Cos.. My heart cringes when i see hubbies hold their wives cos i don seem to get that nowadays.. -_-'''

well.. I dunno lah.. Maybe i'm at the 'think-too-much-cos-i'm-pregnant' stage.. Or maybe it's the different environment that we grow up in so different expectations bah.. Somehow i can sense my mother freakin out.. Haha..

My princess been quite naughty.. Makin me very tired.. But nevertheless, i still have to wash clothes and prep the neccessary stuff for her.. Luckily i have my mother to help me and my dear to help make space... Otherwise, i think i will go crazy...

She's kicking/moving inside.. Makin me sleepy once again... Zzz..

Naughty Baby girl

Just went for gynae checkup for my bb girl..
Then realised she is still in breech position... -_-'''
hence.. I might need to do c-section to get her out... Somehow.. Dunno why.. If I never read up or attend prenatal classes, I think I would have freaked out that knowing I need to do c-section. now i understand that c-section is not sinful/taboo, but just another procedure to get the baby out. Well, my hubby also came out via c-section. Haha...

But still i can understand my ma's worries that she hope i can delivery via nature's way instead of via cutting up. So... My baby has 1 week to turn! Haha... Till then.. I still can go jb for makan! :)

Cherish the present / Plan for future

There is a constant struggle for me.. Whether to (a) cherish the present or (b) plan for future?

Why is it such a struggle for me.. Well.. I'm pregnant with a child (future) and close to his ah ma (present). And we're having a hard time getting a place of our own..

On one hand, i should find a place near bukit batok so my ma can help us look after my girl and jiang gu + ah ma can also chit chat with my ma when she's home alone. This is MY ideal plan but i know it'll never work cos jiang gu +ah ma will never want to move hse..

Next in line, is to find a place near my ma so she can help us look after my girl when we're working but the issue arises that we'll need to shuttle to & fro to visit grandma daily too.. So this will not work..

Next, is to find a place near haig rd, so we can be close to jiang gu + ah ma, but my worry is only whether jiang gu can cope takin care of ah ma + my girl.. (i noticed nowadays his memory not very good).. :( but this is unlikely to happen cos units ard our area are very expensive and no one is selling... -_-''

so.. Our last resort for now.. Stay in current house, wait for suitable bto that is within our pricing first lor..

Not that cannot stay in current hse long term, but some renovations has to be done, things have to be tidied and thrown away to make space, etc. So before all these can be done, we need a place to stay first to plan the logistics of all these stuff...

So.. Tell me.. Should i plan with present or future in mind... -_-'''